


I'm Sorry

by shutupfour



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 06:12:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5195174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupfour/pseuds/shutupfour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Happens during the main game after adamant, before halamshiral. Just some really really terrible cliche cry time with our favs</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry

Lavellan stopped before his doorway, leaning against the framework for support. She rapped lightly, as to only alert him of her presence, and not the entirety of the library. 

At the sound of the knocking, Solas’ head perked up from his scroll, though Lavellan could guess he had already sensed her there.

“Hello,” Lavellan greeted. She tried to conceal the smile that always crept when she saw him, but she wasn’t sure she was succeeding.

“Hello,” Solas returned. Lavellan concluded that not only was she smiling, but she might have been blushing too, because the corners of Solas’ lips were teasing into a grin of his own.

“Reading anything interesting?” Lavellan asked, trying to appear causal.

“Not particularly, no. A collection of ‘Fereldan’s Greatest Recipes’ is not what I would prefer, but I find myself to have read nearly everything of note.” He grinned, and Lavellan felt her blush grow hotter. Did Solas know he did that to her? Probably.

“It seems you have in fact gone to drastic measures if you’ve resorted to Fereldan soup recipes,” She wasn’t very good at this.

Solas gave a small chuckle, “Yes. Anyway, what can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to talk,” Lavellan took a step into the study.

“Ah. What do you wish to talk about?” Solas shifted, as if uncomfortable, but his features remained casual.

“Anything, really. How’ve you been today?” Too formal? Lavellan cursed herself and tried not to look down.

“… Well, thank you,” Solas replied, surprised, “… How are you, Inquisitor?” Solas couldn’t tell if he was simply exchanging pleasantries or if he was genuinely curious.

Lavellan thought for a second, “I’m not sure, actually. Ever since Haven, I just… I wish I could have done something differently. I wish I could have saved them all.” Lavellan grabbed her arm and dropped her gaze.

Solas paused to form the right words, “Everyone feels as such, Inquisitor. Many innocents died when they shouldn’t have, but that is not your burden to bear. No one could have saved them all, nor could you have done anything different to help them.”

“I keep telling myself that, but… Solas?”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a question?” 

“Of course. What’s on your mind?” Solas pushed the scroll aside, letting Lavellan know she had his whole attention.

The elf took a deep breath before continuing, “Are you missing anyone?”

Solas pondered the question. He thought carefully about his words before responding, “Not personally, no.”

“Oh,” Lavellan looked down.

There was a moment of silence before Solas stood and strode over to her. Lavellan tensed, and tried to focus on anything but the swaying, graceful steps he took. She found she couldn’t. 

“Sit,” Solas gestured toward the couch they stood by. Lavellan sat and fiddled with her hands before tucking them into her legs. Solas followed and took the spot on the opposite end of the cushion. “What’s troubling you?”

“I think I’m just homesick,” Lavellan offered. 

Solas said nothing. He gazed at Lavellan, waiting for her to elaborate.

Lavellan shifted and tucked invisible hair behind her ear. “Okay, it’s more than that,” her voice dropped to something just above a whisper, “Solas, I’m not sure what I’ve gotten myself into.”

Solas leaned forward and waited once more for her to continue.

“It just feels so real now, and I’m not sure if I can do it. There are so many people counting on me to save the world and fix what’s going on, and I don’t feel ready. I can’t save the world-I’m just some Dalish elf who was in the wrong place at the wrong time,” Her eyes started to water, and she felt her throat tighten.

A pang of guilt hit Solas. His problem shouldn’t have been anyone’s but his own. His features softened and he sat himself closer to her.

Lavellan’s voice was a trembling whisper now, “I never asked for this stupid mark. I never asked to be stripped of my life and forced into this new one,” She lifted her hand to wipe a tear from her cheek. “I’m not meant to be the Inquisitor. I’m not meant for politics or commanding an army or fighting the villain,” Lavellan’s welled eyes turned into a soft weep, and she was immediately embarrassed for allowing herself to appear this way. She was supposed to be strong and confident, not soft and afraid. But something about Solas made her feel like she could be herself around him; she could tell him anything and he would listen. 

Solas pulled her in and hugger her close, and she rest her head on his chest, finally crumbling.

“Solas, I feel as if I’ve left everything behind. I miss my clan, my keeper, my friends, the forest, everything.”

Her quiet tears turned in to sobs, wracking her body with silent trembles that left her gasping for air. She clutched tightly to his shirt and cried into him, hoping his familiar smell or the feel of the fabric of his shirt or the surety of his hold on her would fix things, would change things back to the way they were. Back when there wasn’t a gaping hole in the sky and when she was with her clan and when she didn’t have to worry how she appeared in front of an entire country.

Solas couldn’t offer words of comfort, so he simply held her close to him and let her cry. He had lived many lifetimes, but never had he felt this way about someone else before. He wasn’t sure that it had been possible, really. He was ancient, and had learned to live his life as such. He learned to remember himself, to mind his distance and treasure being alone.

But now, he wasn’t sure if that’s what he wanted anymore. Lavellan made him feel different, and though it made him nervous, he liked the feeling. He was so sure of everything, and having something to be unsure of excited him. 

And with this new feeling made him feel her pain and sadness, and he willed and wished it away from her with every fiber of himself. 

Solas hugged her tighter, cradling her body as the trembles began to come slower and slower. Each time he kissed her head or her cheek, it seemed to halt another wave of her cries, until eventually, the library was silent once more.

Lavellan’s body relaxed and felt heavier in Solas’ arms. He released some of his grip on her, and gently rubbed his hands along her. Her arms, her thighs, her back. He continued to place kisses on her head, and when he was sure she was asleep, he let her. 

Solas carefully adjusted his position so that Lavellan was the only one on the lounger, and he placed one final kiss, this one on the corner of her mouth, where her lips would tease and grow into the wonderful smile he was sure was the brightest he had seen.

Before Solas returned to his desk for the remainder of the night, he said, “I’m sorry,” silently, and only to her. And though she couldn’t hear him, and though the words were so common and simple, they felt weighted coming from his lips. Those words were heavy with every guilt he carried, every choice he’d made, everything he wanted to undo and make better. He meant it, and wished his mistakes away if it would help her, the Dalish elf who was very quickly taking his heart from him.


End file.
